So I came home, got my boyfriend, and followed the video's instructions: I chopped off both sides of a grapefruit, so that all that remained was a slice of the center portion. Would it actually work? Would it be too silly to be sexual? Would citrus juice go up my boyfriend's urethra and make him dump me and then I would have to explain this entire thing to my therapist? I had my suspicions ("yes" on the last one), but had to know for sure. I’m no George Costanza.īut the grapefruit blowjob seemed so simultaneously wacko AND totally obvious and sensible that my curiosity won out. But whatever the reason, I've never had any desire to bring my two great passions together. Maybe it’s because I once found my parent’s bottle of "Chocolate Body Paint for Lovers" when I was a kid. Maybe it's because it always seemed too Caligula-style decadent. But for some reason, messing around with food in bed has always terrified me. See? I just wrote that on the Internet, where my stepmother could easily Google it! Surely, putting some fruit on my favorite boner should be a breeze in comparison. In high school, I once got to second base with two dudes at once.
I usually pride myself on being sexually open-minded and my ability to talk about anything related to my or anyone else's fun parts. Given all of this, I was surprised about how anxious the idea of a grapefruit blowjob made me.
There aren't a lot of statistics out there about how much Americans use food in their sex lives, but food-related questions turn up regularly enough in sex advice columns that I believe most people have used a donut in a way that the fine people at Entenmann's never intended at least once in their lives. Was it because all of their boyfriends had died of pleasure and/or pulp poisoning? I decided that, for the glory of knowledge and the good of the American people, I had to offer my own boyfriend as a possible sacrifice.Īngel's promise about death beejays reminded me a little bit of when B-movie directors used to hire nurses to stand around the lobby of their horror films, in case you "died of fright." But I will admit that I thought that there was a decent chance that I would die of shame before being able to go through with it.įood has a long and storied history with sex-type stuff. Though there was a lot of Internet chatter about the video, and a few interviews with Angel herself, I couldn't find any firsthand accounts of people who had tried the technique.
Why the hell did I need to put a grapefruit on my boyfriend's penis in the first place, you ask? The answer, of course, was: the Internet! Perhaps you've caught some of the recent media coverage of Auntie Angel, a Chicago-based YouTube sexpert and inventor of the "grapefruit blowjob," a fellatio technique supposedly so pleasurable and thrilling that it can induce a heart attack. “So I need to do something weird to your dick later.” I thought for a second and then added “It's for work,” as if that somehow made it better.
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